LITTLE DEBBIE CAKES

Tuesday morning. What a beautiful day yesterday was. I find myself in the middle of cleaning wandering out to sit in the swing under the trees. I think I may have a touch of spring fever. How could you help but have after that cold winter? I just drink it all in.

I am on a diet. Not a make believe diet like I have been on the last year, but a real diet. A diet where I am trying to give up Little Debbie cakes. Now I know how a smoker must feel trying to quit cigarettes, Jonesin out for a fix. I want a Debbie cake. I want it bad. I think I smell them. I'm serious, I try to think about something else but my mind comes right back to the cakes. I use to be able to say I'm going to lose five pounds and do it. I had the inner strength too. I no longer have that strength.

Sweets use to never be that big of deal to me. I don't know when they started being, just one day I couldn't get enough. So I should just stand and say, "My name is Billye Swift. I am a Little Debbie cake addict." I am not sure just when my hunger for sweets reared its ugly head. There was a time a cake could lay around the house for a week, no problem. Then I began to realize one was not enough. If I had one, I wanted two. And so on. Then I would buy a box and in twenty-four hour period I would eat the whole box. Telling myself after three and two hours later that maybe I should just eat them all and diet tomorrow. That has been my battle cry,"Diet tomorrow." I am sorry to learn tomorrow never comes. The next day I start over eating all over again.

Over a week ago on Saturday I bought some groceries. I bought little Debbie cakes. I promptly had two as soon as I put the groceries away. What had I done, hanging my head in shame and muttering, "Bad, bad Billye. " I pomised myself then and there it was over. There is one cake left in the box. It has been there over a week. I sit in my chair at night trying to watch television and think I hear it call my name. I think why not just eat it and get rid of it. I can't because one will not be enough. It is never enough.

I wonder if they have a group for people who are addicted to sweets. Don't laugh, I can see a group of us huddled togeter telling horror stories of how we ate a whole box at one setting. I am sure there are more than me out there. You can tell us by the tale tell signs. Thunder thighs and a big butt. I look in the mirror and shake my head in disgust. It has been a week since my last fix. I awoke the other night dreaming I was eating a Zebra cake. Oh how I love the striped Zebra cakes. I felt pain. I awoke chewing on my own finger. Times are tough.

I am being strong. I tell myself it will get better but I am not sure I am there yet. We went to the Birthday party Friday night. There was a whole table of cakes. A Princess cake and boxes of cupcakes. My first urge was to shove all the children out of the way and start shoving them in my mouth. I was shaking, I walked out into the yard, telling myself,"|I don't need them." No I don't need cake but I want cake. I shall be strong, I will over come. I will be thin again. At least I hope so. Hope I am not depriving myself for nothing.

So I will go for today. I will fight the urge. I will be strong. But if you should pick up the newspaper and see the headlines, "Joplin woman overdoses on Little Debbie cakes." You'll know who it is for sure. Wish me luck. I'm gone for today. See ya.