THE LAND OF BEGINNING AGAIN.

It is Thursday morning.Actually April the 1st. April fools day. So be on the lookout, someone may try to fool you. The weather yesterday was wonderful We worked in the yard. Well actually Steve more than me. But the sleepy plants are waking up. Trees are budding. Spring is here. I love this weather.

I had a blog already started for today. Actually it was about picking Peaches. I thought it was coming along pretty good. Then as I sat reading what I had wrote a few minutes ago. I realized something. Every thing I have done as a adult over eighteen. I put myself first. What was the best for me at the time. A chance to see the country. Following my heart where I thought it was leading me. My heart sank as I read the words that lay upon the blog page. The selfishness of those choices And then I knew, a heaviness touching my heart. I want to go. Go back to the land of beginning again.

I do not know if there is such a land. A place where the slate they hand you is clean. No marks, no blemish's. You hold it in your hands and with maturity and clarity you start your life over. You suddenly have the realization that your actions affect the people closet to you. You are faced with the knowledge that just thinking I am only hurting myself, just isn't true. Sometimes when I look back over decisions I have made in my life. The actions I have taken. Then I feel the burden of those mistakes so heavy I can hardly breath.

Two human souls that I was gifted with. Two special life's. I loved them beyond anything I could say to describe it. But I was a free spirit. I traveled my whims. And the truth that sits upon my doorstep. That remains a permanent fixture in my mind is they paid the price.

Just to find that land, The land of beginning again. To start over. To do it different. Many I think would make that journey. Leave behind any earthly processions just to make that trip. To start anew and make it right for those you have let down. But alas my friend for you and I there is no such mystical land where the wrongs you have done can suddenly be made right. We can only keep walking forward, only hope that forgiveness lies in the hearts of those we love. But oh if only, if only. There was such a land. I have rambled enough for this morning. Been strange enough for one day. So for now. I'm outta here.