DIX IS SO PROUD..

It is Tuesday morning. The weather seems calm. So do the dogs. They are outside and a quietness still blankets the yard. We all three have been up and down all night. Sleep eluding us . So I am starting the day tired and sleepy. But I am always grateful for another day. I am blessed.,

I have had Dix on my mind lately. She would have been so proud of her first great-grandchild. Just bedside herself with joy . I wonder if she doesn't know. In fact I myself am sure she does. I try for the most part to keep many of my strange ideas to myself. Sometimes it is hard. So if I walk a little over the line this morning, please forgive me. I am just very tired, Okay?

I sure am not wanting the end to come anytime soon. Someone told me once that I would live to be a hundred but would probably be bald. Now I figure I could buy a wig, so I am not caring if I lose all my hair. I would just like to get to be a hundred. Of course with my hair getting so thin now, I may not have to wait that long to be bald. The way I have tortured my hair all these years, I am surprised I have any at all. I was always wanting to change my looks and my hair seemed to be the only way. So I have dyed, bleached, hacked at it, yes hack is a good descriptive word here. And it never comes out the way I have planned.

Oh yes back to the not being around anymore. As I said I am in no hurry to go. But I don't go completely to pieces at the thought either. I worry a little about this judgement thing I have heard about all my life. Now that makes me nervous. I have always said I hope God has a sense of humor because if he doesn't I have lost before I get started.

But I believe sometimes the soul lingers. I think we are all only one heart beat from the other side and I think sometimes the spirit just is not ready to go. I felt my Mother stayed for awhile. I truly believe that to be true. It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. I think her Mother's love was so strong and we all seemed so needy, she just couldn't let go. The same I think for Dixie. I believe her love was so strong for Bud and her kids she lingered. I also believe she worried so about Bud being able to make it without her. She just stayed there in her home for a time.

I have never believed in ghosts that wear a white sheets or tortured souls in chains wandering the earth moaning. But I believe your life does not end with that last heartbeat here on earth. I think you just step out into another life. And I believe sometimes a spirit just does not step into that light right at first.

Oh I know, everyone. I say everyone as if I thought there are many. Everyone is rolling their eyes. yes, I do believe that to be true. When Dixie was sick she talked one day at how people forget us almost as soon as we die. You are wrong Dix. Nobody has forgotten or will they ever. For as long as someone carries you in their heart, or speaks of you. You are still alive, just not walking around as we know it.

So when Jayden Ray Olds made his blessed appearance. Do I think you were there beside your Brenda as she saw her first grandchild. You bet I do. Do I think you smiled when Bud sent flowers. Oh yes I bet you did. I see your grandchildren, now your great-grandchildren. And I know you will never really die. I feel you my friend. I speak your name constantly. For as long as you live in my heart, you are here. I know you are proud of the new baby. You would be showering him with gifts if you only could. But sometimes when he smiles in his sleep, if they only knew. It is probably you with a tender kiss on his cheek. You live through this new generation that is coming.

I still feel my Mother, my sister, my Dad. They were part of me. As long as I remember they still are a part of me. They are forever only a heartbeat away. Well, I have rambled again this morning. This happens quite often with me, doesn't it? But I have a tendency to let that happen. So until tomorrow, I'm out of here. Sorry, I just been wanting to say that line.