THIS IS A MESS TODAY.

It is Wednesday morning. It is after 6:00 am on Wednesday morning to be exact. I always have this blog done by this time. I have started three times and as I reread the words as they marched across the page I realized they were wrong, all wrong. So I am starting for the fourth time this morning. Win, lose or draw, what I write this time is what is going on the page. Lets hope for the best.

Yesterday was not a good day. I would not want to put it on replay. I can't really put my finger on where it went wrong. Crawling out of bed might have added to the downhill slide. Ever since my birthday I have been in my little old lady mode. I do not like the mode and sure don't like my being in it. I have been whining. I have been feeling invisible. You know I believe I have written here before as we age people see us smaller. People become condescending to us. I hate that. If you become a certain age people think you sre senile if you forget one small thing.

I am very sensitive about my blog. Now I do have enough intelligence to realize this is a daily blog, that very few see. Just words written on a page expressing my thoughts and feelings. And I realize I am all over the page, I go from one topic to another. But as I have written several times now I wanted to make a commitment and try to follow through. I am getting older, it just seemed very important I show myself I can do this. So I have whittled the days away writing this. Thinking up topics, trying to revive the old brain.

In all due fairness the person who came to my house yesterday morning early, did not come to hurt my feelings. Nor did they know my feelings were already on my shoulder when they came. But this person told me they didn't call me early in the mornings because I always wanted to talk about my blog. The words blog did not give me a warm fuzzy feeling. Then the light came on. Sometimes I am slow in hitting the switch. I had become a bore with this blog. Thinking someone was interested in it besides myself. I was crushed.

I called my brother. "Bud," I asked. "Do you think we get more sensitive as we get older?" He said he thought we become more melancholy. "It's just old age," he said cheerfully. Just what I wanted to hear.So now after this last birthday I realize I have more wrinkles, more aches and pains. I also am going to be crying more. The picture is not looking too bright. The government makes companies give warnings on packages of their products. I believe life should give us a warning. "Living to be old may be frightening."

Now don't get me wrong. I am totally thrilled to be here. And if you want to think I am dipsy old cracker that's okay too. Just please don't treat me as if I am senile and childlike. Now that makes me upset. Maybe because I am excited about something, I shouldn't want some else to be. Because I get interested doesn't mean anyone else will be. I got all that down in my head. It's just my feelings get in the way. I guess all this rambling boils down to don't patronize me.

Well I really have not pulled this together today. I refuse to start again. I guess what I want to say is this." I may be older, but my feelings are intact. The outside packaging may be changing but I am still me in this body." I refuse to become a whiny, dependant old lady. One birthday and that's what has transpired. I refuse. But I will quit talking about my blog. I will work on not being a pain in the butt. But I will not quit writing my blog. I am on day 60. Only 305 more days to go. This is so bad today it has to be better tomorrow. See there is something to look forward too. But this sure has been a mess today. Tomorrow is another day.