A LETTER TO BRENDA.

I stood on the porch this morning, not yet five. As "I" chased around the yard. I stood watching the Christmas lights as they burned brightly against the bleak winter sky. Good Morning Thor day," I said. "Thor did not answer back. I am expecting a good day today. This is my baby Sister's Birthday. She was born December 9th in 1949. She left this world as we know it in November 1993. This morning I am writing her a letter and then I will scatter it to the winds in Blogland. In hopes it lifts to Heaven and lands at her feet.

Dear Brenda,

Happy Birthday. You would have been sixty-one today. Wow! I try to imagine you as sixty-one but cannot bring that picture of you to mind. You are totally fixed in my memory as forever young. I think of you so often, sometimes more than others. But how I would love to talk to you. Just pick up the phone and call you. Call you everyday like I do Geri.

If I could call I would ask a million questions. Was it wonderful seeing Mom, hugging Dixie as she stepped across the great divide? Did you tell Dad all that had been happening on you two's favorite soaps? You and Bob was great friends. I know he smiled so bright when you said Hi.

But when I think of you I don't think of you as living away like you did. But here in Joplin. Running with Little Billie, coming by to pick me up. You would have gloried in all the little kids we have these days. And most definitely Will's. You would be amazed at Brandi and fall in love with Ryan.

Everyone I think knows I believe maybe a little different than I suppose most folks believe. But I have said before when you pass away I believe you are only one heartbeat away from life as we know it. I feel you are here, your presence so strong at times.I know sometimes if I could only see you would be standing there. Your smile lightening up your face. I believe you stand by Will. Touch his hair when he struggles. Envelop his children with your love.

When I am wolfing down Little Debbie's or candy bars I feel you smile. The memory coming back of the day as we rode down Main Street when you looked at me and said, "I pray someday you wake up and weigh four hundred pounds. " It shocked me when you said that, but I really did understand. You are happy I know to see that I have gained some weight since those days. Not four hundred pounds yet but you never know.

I had a dream a few months after you died. In that dream you were a little angel about the size of a Butterfly. I chased after you, you were laughing. But you never let me catch you. I tried so hard but you kept slipping away.

I know you've been with Mother these last years and Dixie, Dad and Bobby. But I believe you are still here at times. Your spirit hovering close to those you loved the most.

I will never understand why you had to go. Why your life was taken so early, away from your son and your family. But I believe your spirit is still strong, your light still burning bright. They say we are not suppose to understand everything that happens but if I ever get a chance to meet God. I surely have some questions to ask.

You said to me once, "That you believed that our life was God's gift to us. And what we did with it was our gift back to him." I think you did good with your gift Brenda. And the memories and love you left behind will always be here.

So Happy birthday little sister. May rainbows follow you today and you can sit and hear the angels sing. Please tell Momma I love her. I'll see you all again someday. "I love you."

I stand in downtown Blogland. If you can call it that. As I have said, one store building, one flashing red light. I look up into the Heavens. Reaching down into my ever trusty pocket I throw my Birthday letter Heaven bound. I smile. I think Brenda would have liked Blogland. I start home. Its only right I sing, "Happy Birthday." Though Brenda never did think I sang on tune. But for now I'm outta here.