Tuesday has arrived. I know it lies in wait just outside my door. "I" and me have decided not to open up and let it in yet. We are both in a slow and lazy mode. A cup of coffee for me and a short snooze in the chair for her and we'll be ready. I hope.
I have written here the last few days that I was depressed. There was a black cloud hanging over our family and I felt as if my heart would break in two. I have learned as I have grown older, each person you love holds a piece of your heart. And when that person is being harmed or or in danger of being harmed and they are heartbroken, because they occupy a piece of your heart. Your heart breaks too, that is what has been happening to me.
I had felt I could not bear this week coming up, that I would die from heartbreak. I prayed till I felt I could pray no more. I wrote here I wished God was a Big Purple Barney, so he would grant my wish and all would be well. I flat asked for a miracle. At times my faith waivered but I still kept praying.
Sunday I went out back and sat on the steps. My Mother was as good of Christian as anyone could be. I know with all my being she is in heaven. Right up there where she has access to God. "Momma," I cried. Pray for us, please pray."
Now I'm going to tell you what I think happened. Of course I wasn't there. But this is what I believe to be true. My Mom went right up to the throne of God. You can do that if you get to heaven, you know. She said, "Father, I have a problem." He looked at her kindly. "Is it Billye again?" he asked. "Well," My mom said. It's not her actually, but someone she loves has a serious problem. She is crying and calling out to me." God shook his head. "Oh I know he said. "We've been hearing her calling." He smiled, "I just thought I'd wait a couple of days. See how strong her faith is." Mom sighed. "This is one of the grandkids. I don't think she'll shut up till you answer." God leaned down and whispered something in Mom's ear. Mom smiled and walked away.
Yesterday morning this person called me. Things were changing, it looked oh so very hopeful. I started saying, "Praise God, Praise God." But of course I need to thank my Mom too. We had a lady here visiting Steve and I. I'm hollering praise God and I'm sure she probably isn't use to having someone holler like a that when she's in their home. But then she knows I'm a little strange anyway.
Now I don't know if you believe in a higher power. I don't know if you believe my Mom is up in heaven and has access to God. But the only thing that matters is I do. I have danced, I have sung since yesterday. My heart no longer so heavy. I have my miracle. God is good like Barney even if he isn't purple. And I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I don't believe its a train.
So as I get ready to leave Blogland I look up into the sky. Up where I blew my prayer the another day. Into the vastness. I smile and whisper thank-you. I'm skipping this morning as I leave. Oh did you see that quick jig I just did. I'm one grateful woman. But for now I'm outta here.
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